The contacts you use depends upon what you want to achieve. All contacts are not created equal. Once you have established your goal, you then need to determine which contacts have resources which match your goal and are likely to be helpful. This will suggest to you which avenues to pursue both at present and in the future.

If you’re cultivating your contacts for getting a job or seeking promotion, you must remember that getting a job is not always dependent just upon what you know. It’s not always dependent upon whom you know. It’s often dependent upon who knows you. Networking is an excellent method for creating your visibility and credibility among those important to the achievement of your goal.

Active networkers know that every stranger represents an opportunity: The chance to reach targets, get problem-solving assistance, obtain guidance and direction, information, tips, leads, referrals, advice, support, counsel, sponsorship, as well as enhance your self-esteem and growth.

Always remember that it’s a much smaller world than you think. You can get information by way of a chain of people very quickly. Back in the 1960s psychologist Stanley Milgram demonstrated that you could give a letter to one randomly-selected individual in Nebraska who would pass it along so that it ultimately was received by another randomly-selected person in Boston through a communication chain of only five people!

Think how quickly that stranger-to-stranger connection can be made using the Internet. If you know a minimum of 200 people and each of those people knows a minimum of 200, you automatically have access to up to 40,000 people. So your network is potentially a lot larger and better-connected than you  think it is.

Making and cultivating contacts requires your knowing what you want from them, seeking them out, and approaching them. Of course, this is easier if you’re comfortable talking with strangers and asking those you know for help.

Whether you are throwing yourself into networking now or are working on your networking skills for later, you have to follow certain guidelines in order to be effective and get what you want.

– Determine what you want by assessing your own resources
– Determine what you have and what you need
– Let others know you’re interested in them
– Let them know you have resources to offer to them as well
– Be able to describe (1) who you are and (2) what your seeking then (3) suggest an exchange, that is, that you’re available to return the favor

But remember, if they assist you now, you are not necessarily expected to reciprocate immediately. They’ll let you know when they need access to your information or resources. Your comfort is important so you should tailor your networking to your style and personality.

But that doesn’t mean leaving out steps. To do so frequently results in frustration and disappointment. Each recommendation is essential and an integral part of the whole process. What makes networking ultimately so appealing is that the risk is low and the benefits are high. You owe it to yourself to follow the self-made millionaires’ strategy to “access for success.”

Have you noticed that people seem to be more hostile and impulsive these days? Everything is fodder for contentiousness. Anger seems to be a hair-trigger’s breadth away for many. As a result, aggression in the workplace is increasing as well. Physical altercations, from fistfights to semi-automatic fire, are becoming more commonplace.

Handling anger, yours and others, is not something you come by naturally. It’s not routinely taught by parents, schools, or society. Instead you’re generally told to stifle or swallow it. Get over it. That not only doesn’t help but also makes matters worse.

You’re supposed to act as if the emotion doesn’t exist. And when it does, you’re told you don’t have a right or legitimate reason to experience it. Because of this, you are likely to have few or no skills with which to address it. Consequently, you’re often unprepared when you encounter it in yourself or in others.

When you’re angry, your body is pumping adrenaline, preparing muscles to fight. You’re on auto-pilot. Something or someone has frustrated, disappointed, or hurt you, and you want to get even. So all you want to do is act, to strike out in any way you can. But while there is some immediate satisfaction in doing so, this aggression will tend to be self-reinforcing. That is, you’re going to feel rewarded for attacking and, thus, likely to approach similar problems in a similar way in the future. This becomes self-sabotage.

The basic problem with this emotion-initiated response is that it results in mindless behavior which provokes retaliation. Retaliation further escalates the original anger. Anger begets anger unless you short-circuit the feedback loop.

Because this is a self-defeating approach where no one wins, you need to find better ways to handle the anger you feel and encounter. The first thing you need to do is recognize your anger. Sometimes this is hard because you were probably taught that anger is bad and you shouldn’t feel it. But you do feel it. It’s one of your basic emotions along with happiness, fear, and sadness. So validate it. What is bad isn’t the presence of the emotion but your not handling it effectively.

Once you acknowledge it, you need to step back to see what provoked it. You need to ask what makes you respond as you do. This not only gives you some useful insight into the situation but also slows you down so you won’t be as quick to act to throw a verbal or physical punch.

Unacknowledged or denied anger festers and grows out of proportion to the original event. Such anger can turn inward, against you, manifesting as migraines or irritable bowel syndrome, or outward, against others, exploding with lethal fallout.

Distancing yourself from the emotion is useful. You can do this by distracting yourself or expending that pent-up energy in other, more productive ways. Psychologist Hendrie Weisinger suggests creating a list of work tasks you can do until the anger subsides enough to address the anger-provoking event. Then you should dissect the event. All the while, you can become mellower by doing breathing exercises. As you work on zoning out, you should have a dialogue with yourself about it.

All this likewise holds true for when you encounter anger in others with whom you have to deal at work – whether it’s your boss, co-workers, or customers. First you need to get the other person talking. When they’re talking, they’re less likely to translate their anger into physical action.

You need to draw them out and help them describe the problem by asking open-ended questions: What happened. How do they feel. What do they want done. This means you have to be as open, objective, and empathetic as possible, saying little of substance as the other person pours out their soul about the burr under their saddle. You need to remember that others want their grievance to be heard and understood the same way you do.

However, you have to be careful not to slip into making challenging statements. You also have to not resort to condescension which is sometimes tough to do. This means not telling the other person, “You’re not being reasonable” or “The rules are the rules” or “You don’t have to know that.” These show you’re not listening to what the person is trying to convey under the words and stops communication cold.

It’s also important to remember that if for any reason the other person seems ready to attack, the better part of valor and safety is to escape. There’s a limit to “grace under fire.”

By taking control of your anger and helping others redirect or work through theirs, you help create a better place for everyone, but especially you, in which to work. You help create a place where there is less contentiousness and free-floating anger, where there is better communication, and where you can be more productive and comfortable.