As she gestured expansively, long wisps of blonde hair played around her tanned face. Julie Kurlan appeared to glow with vitality. Her blue eyes shone. “I realize now more than I did in the beginning that I’m in the one percentile and there’s a reason for it,” said the 51-year-old mother of three and part-time web designer. “When you’re dealt a hand like cancer, there are only two ways you can go: Positively or negatively.”
Sitting on her overstuffed living room couch, she leaned forward, rested her hands on her knees, and became more serious for a moment. “If you act as though you’re going to die, that’s the story you write for yourself. If you make the disease the end-all and be-all of your life, it’s like having a recurrence of it. You’re living it. You’re the one in charge of your body and mind. You’re the author of your story,” she said.
“Instinctively I knew I had to surround myself with positive people, my family and friends,” Kurlan continued. “So I laid down the ground rules. ‘If you cry, you don’t help me.’ So if friends cried, they cried at home. I set the tone and they followed my lead.”
The corners of her eyes crinkled again. She smiled broadly and fell back against the thick cushions. It was with this determination, openness, and life-affirming energy, said Kurlan, that she dealt with her own breast cancer two years ago.
What did Kurlan learn going through surgery, breast reconstruction, aggressive chemotherapy, and hair loss? “The stresses in life? Forget them. You don’t need to get upset when someone cuts in front of you in traffic. And why not enjoy a rainy day. You can do what you thought you couldn’t. You have to.”
“You’d be surprised at some of the changes that came with this new perspective. My communication skills have actually improved. If I was a good listener before, I’m twice as good now. I really hear every little word. Also I’m more open. I’ve encouraged people to ask questions. I did such a good job that people don’t think of me as having had cancer.”
One of the biggest changes Kurlan has noted as a result of this process is being on a different level of thinking. “Now,” she said, “I would never think of postponing something until tomorrow. I was a champion procrastinator and squandered time. Now if I want to say something to my 22-year-old daughter, Sara, I say it. I don’t wait for the ‘right’ time, whatever that is. I think everyone who’s had cancer wants to get more intensely involved with life. There’s definitely a greater sensitivity to time and people. For me there’s also greater patience.”
Kurlan believes that whatever awareness you had before is heightened. Suddenly you’re more focused, particularly outside yourself. “Maybe,” she said, “that’s what allows you to eliminate all those small stresses. While coping with life and all its problems, especially cancer, is difficult, I’ve found, surprisingly, that it’s not as difficult as one may think.”
With an impish glint in her eye, she leaned forward again. “Look,” she said, “I’m here. I feel fine. I look fine.” Then she tossed her wheat-colored mane and laughed ebulliently. “And, I’m having a ball! How many others, with or without cancer, can say that.”