Unacknowledged or denied anger festers and grows out of proportion to the original event. Such anger can turn inward, against you, manifesting as migraines or irritable bowel syndrome, or outward, against others, exploding with lethal fallout.
Distancing yourself from the emotion is useful. You can do this by distracting yourself or expending that pent-up energy in other, more productive ways. Psychologist Hendrie Weisinger suggests creating a list of work tasks you can do until the anger subsides enough to address the anger-provoking event. Then you should dissect the event. All the while, you can become mellower by doing breathing exercises. As you work on zoning out, you should have a dialogue with yourself about it.
All this likewise holds true for when you encounter anger in others with whom you have to deal at work – whether it’s your boss, co-workers, or customers. First you need to get the other person talking. When they’re talking, they’re less likely to translate their anger into physical action.
You need to draw them out and help them describe the problem by asking open-ended questions: What happened. How do they feel. What do they want done. This means you have to be as open, objective, and empathetic as possible, saying little of substance as the other person pours out their soul about the burr under their saddle. You need to remember that others want their grievance to be heard and understood the same way you do.
However, you have to be careful not to slip into making challenging statements. You also have to not resort to condescension which is sometimes tough to do. This means not telling the other person, “You’re not being reasonable” or “The rules are the rules” or “You don’t have to know that.” These show you’re not listening to what the person is trying to convey under the words and stops communication cold.
It’s also important to remember that if for any reason the other person seems ready to attack, the better part of valor and safety is to escape. There’s a limit to “grace under fire.”
By taking control of your anger and helping others redirect or work through theirs, you help create a better place for everyone, but especially you, in which to work. You help create a place where there is less contentiousness and free-floating anger, where there is better communication, and where you can be more productive and comfortable.